Mayor Newsom Has Plans For New Child

San Francisco's First Couple have announced they are in a family way. A spokesperson for Gavin and Jennifer Newsom made the public announcement.

In keeping with Gav's antisocial personality and refusing to be bound by the norms of convention, the Mayor's spokeperson held the briefing in a slum part of San Francisco called the Tenderloin at 2 AM early yesterday morning. Here is the announcement.

"Good morning. The Mayor and his wife want the voters of San Francisco and California to know that the couple will have a child. Jennifer and Gavin admit to an artificial insemination procedure . This was a compromise to leaders of the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community who were consulted before the decision by Gavin and Jennifer to have a child. Gays were adamant that the impregnating be done artificially so the icon status of Gav The Liberator would remain intact. This lines up well with Greek mythologys Athena being the Warrior Virgin. The Mayor and his wife have signed a memorandum of understanding with the gay, lesbian,bisexual and transgender community that the child will be raised alternately by nannies and nannos and none of the above. Fondling will be encouraged as a sensitive exposure to other life styles. In a jesture to broaden his political base and reach out to other groups in San Franciscos community, Gavin has promised to include a breakfast with his child to random arrested people the night before although Gav and Jenn will not be there. The childs nursery will have blunted needles from the Citys needle exchange program so the child will know how to cope with a walk in one of the City's parks. The childs name will be New Age. The effort will try to keep the letters in the first name to under 17 but also incude enough references to multicultural voter base. And to sum up the prenatal announcement Gav and Jenn want all to know how grateful they are for the well wishes and that they are discussing a divorce. Thank you and good morning."