Mayor Newsom Has Plans For New Child

San Francisco's First Couple have announced they are in a family way. A spokesperson for Gavin and Jennifer Newsom made the public announcement.

In keeping with Gav's antisocial personality and refusing to be bound by the norms of convention, the Mayor's spokeperson held the briefing in a slum part of San Francisco called the Tenderloin at 2 AM early yesterday morning. Here is the announcement.

"Good morning. The Mayor and his wife want the voters of San Francisco and California to know that the couple will have a child. Jennifer and Gavin admit to an artificial insemination procedure . This was a compromise to leaders of the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community who were consulted before the decision by Gavin and Jennifer to have a child. Gays were adamant that the impregnating be done artificially so the icon status of Gav The Liberator would remain intact. This lines up well with Greek mythologys Athena being the Warrior Virgin. The Mayor and his wife have signed a memorandum of understanding with the gay, lesbian,bisexual and transgender community that the child will be raised alternately by nannies and nannos and none of the above. Fondling will be encouraged as a sensitive exposure to other life styles. In a jesture to broaden his political base and reach out to other groups in San Franciscos community, Gavin has promised to include a breakfast with his child to random arrested people the night before although Gav and Jenn will not be there. The childs nursery will have blunted needles from the Citys needle exchange program so the child will know how to cope with a walk in one of the City's parks. The childs name will be New Age. The effort will try to keep the letters in the first name to under 17 but also incude enough references to multicultural voter base. And to sum up the prenatal announcement Gav and Jenn want all to know how grateful they are for the well wishes and that they are discussing a divorce. Thank you and good morning."

Clinton's Plan For Future : How About A Dark-Humor Sitcom ?

It looks like Team HillBilly's political carreer has seen it's best days. What can these two colossal frauds do to stay in the public eye, avoid one on one contact with each other, get over paid, say what people want to hear and keep married to avoid divorce attorney fees?

How about pushing one of the networks to do a dark-humor sitcom loosely based on the Clinton's political life that follows them into retirement?It could be called The Clitsons. It's centered around Graspy who keeps/steals anything she can and her husband Bump. Bump got his nickname and de facto compass from the bump in his pants that he followed out the door each morning on his way to "work".

Graspy and Bump could have friends. One of Bump's friends could be named James Coupe de Ville. James likes to go to cock fights. Bump goes with him so he can meet the usherettes. Bump always comes home from Coupe de Ville adventures with stains on his trousers. Sometimes the stains are only the sausage and eggs that fell into his lap while trying to neck with an usherette while she was looking the other way and the food was just handed to him. He couldn't make a choice what he wanted more.

Maybe the first episode has Bump being dropped off at his home. He then begins to relieve himself on the lawn but he triggers motion-sensitive lights which illuminate his activity as if it's noon time instead of 2 a.m.. Bump thinks the lights are the flashes of the Papparazzi and turns slowly to give all a clear picture. After the lights go off, Bump strips his stained pants and collapses on the lawn sound asleep. At daybreak, Bump is awakened by the slam of his homes front door. He notices somebody . He asks," What were you doing with my wife?". The woman answers, " We were trading commodities". Bump comments, " That's what you call it?"

To be continued......