Thursday Morning With Dick And George

Early Thursday morning Dick Cheney bolts into the private quarters of George and Laura Bush. Laura is munching on a cold pizza and reading a tabloid. She doesn't notice Dick. Bush is snoring loudly from under his pillow.

Cheney almost yelling, " Get up you worthless son of a bitch. You got a speech to make ".

Bush flips him the middle finger and asks, " What speech you fat fuck, chosen people or lower taxes?"

Now Cheney is red in the face, " It's the ' I really mean to bomb Iran' speech, you little jerk monkey".

Bush with a particularly dense-look, " Didn't I do that yesterday?".

Cheney in a panic, " Yeah but the market is down over 200. Goldman Sachs just advised clients to sell General Motors, Citigroup and Wall Street brokers. Ya can't trust those filthy Yankees and Jews at that kike firm. Next they will advise sales on Halliburton and the military-industrial complex. We've got to beat the war drums."

Now an anxious Bush fires, " Gee why did'nt you tell me earlier? Hey Dick when I'm out of here can I still have that Dairy Queen in El Paso?"

"You fuckin' useful idiot, of course you can. But don't look for me or Rummy or your pickaninny to come by . Get dressed".

Abusive Monkey Experiments: We Should Use Humans Instead

Don't just sit there. Order a pizza, buy something on the Home Shopping Channel, order a movie and USE your credit card.

And so poor macaque monkeys with "their own arms gently restarined" learn to manipulate with only their brain waves which are wired to an artificial limb to grab and eat a marshmallow. The essence of our consumer society is now being delivered to the disabled courtesy of the hapless primate. The report is detailed in the latest edition of the scientific journal Nature.

Why use animals? Haven't we plenty of fat, demented couch potatoes who could be wired similarly? Probably some wouldn't even notice it. Or they would love to expend less energy in grabbing some potato chips and a coke while watching Oprah or some stupid game show. Merely thinking about the mouthful of stuff would be enough.

Our consumption and growth based society need all to participate. We ALL must buy and eat and buy and eat and buy and eat and buy and eat and buy and eat..........