Bush & Clinton: Nerf Presidents

George W. Bush and Bill Clinton were in Toronto, Canada last night. They were both paid to show up and talk their contrasting political views. Well they showed up. But the expected contrasts didn't. There would have been more animation and interest if either spilled a water glass on stage.

Welcome to Nerf politicians. Two overpaid foam rubber men who would do anything and have to get elected but privately only believe in money and wont sweat an uncontested or ungraded debate. The commentator should have sprung a "winner take all" purse of $300,000 to the winner of the debate as per the audience vote. That will be the day.

Short of that, the audience should have been peppered with a couple of shoe throwers or rag heads with grenades. One can only dream when reality is so boring and decadant.

Ignore North Korea

How about ignoring North Korea? It would be a Trojan Horse ploy in reverse. One evening the U.S. would pull its front line troops from the North/South border. By morning thousands of American forces would be at least 100 miles away. Over a period of weeks the U.S. garrison of 37,000 would be brought home and immediately spend their payrolls on our own soil. Leave a note to Kim Jong Il stating we no longer care about the actions of North Korea and as far as we are concerned his people can all starve to death. Also if he wants to nuke Japan so be it. We been there done that.

Kim Jong Il and his father before him are the mirror image of American foreign policy. Without our foreign policy Kim would be shucking clams on the coast.

Paul Krugman: Economist Or Politician?

As Jimmy Durante sometimes said, " Everybody wants to get into the act". 

Give an economist a Nobel Prize and suddenly he wants to parlay himself into a bleeding-heart liberal politician and maybe run for the senate. Like we need another Jew in the senate. Krugman's piece in todays NYT says that California's budget problems started with the passage of Propostion 13 in 1978. Prop 13 was a property tax limitation initiative and also required a 2/3 majority vote by the legislature to raise income taxes. It passed overwhelmingly. I paid property taxes pre-Prop 13. I kept up with the never-ending increases. But many could not. Many older people lost or had to sell their homes because they couldn't keep up with taxes.

Krugman wants Propostion 13 repealed. He presumably wants unlimited tax and spending in its place. He sounds more like a bleeding-heart liberal politician than a disciplined economist who is guided by prudent, realistic policies.

San Francisco Bay To Breakers Race: Alternative Reporting

About 70,000 random-urinating runners were in San Francisco's 98th Annual Bay To Breakers yesterday. The smelly majority were joined by what passes for elite dignataries for the 8 mile course. Mayor Gavin Newsom ran alongside Senator Dianne Feinstein. 

There was a group of Central American illegals who gave out free meth. Handicapped were out in force with an estimated 600 wheelchairs. Police and fire crews were accomodative. Maybe because the police and fire crews were all listening to iPods which had recorded memos from their various union steering committees on how they wanted the City to declare bankruptcy before they would give back on wages and benefits. After all the UAW workers at Chrysler are going to own 55% of the company after it emerges from UAW- caused bankruptcy proceedings. The police and fire unions think they can get title to half the City's real estate.

The World Health Organization was busy collecting urine samples off the pavement. The WHO has a thesis that within a few decades the residue of drugs in U.S. urine will contaminate all the groundwater water in the continental U.S. which will necessitate a draining of Lake Victoria and other bodies of water in Africa  to provide drinking water for America.  

On a lighter note, both Newsom and Feinstein were run over and killed by two "Hummer-Class" wheelchairs that were operated by "350-pounders" who were distracted by in route refueling of pizza. Feinstein's husband, Dick Blum retreived the Senators cell phone and credit cards but refused to identify the body. He avoided burial expenses. Newsom's body decomposed so quickly that only a leased pair of shorts from Gordon Getty Enterprises identified his remains.

There were 10 same-sex marriages during the race. But 2 divorces of those same marriages took place before the race could be completed. The Gay,Lesbian,Bisexual and Transgender Association began hurling excrement at the straights who they blamed for the 2 divorces. The straights chanted, " More AIDS, more AIDS" as they headed to the surf to clean up.

President Barack Obama has commited to running next years race. He has not decided whether to represent the secular or the spiritual world.

Breaking News: Pelosi Talks About Torture

" Good morning. 'Torture, what did I know and when did I know it?' Does that sum it up? Waterboarding? Big deal. When you have had as many hair dye jobs and rinses as I have had waterboarding seems comparable. What about my Botox injections, hair removal, face lifts, tucks, birthing ordeals, being groped by high schoolers and older guys who looked like some of the detainees and now hear rumors of Paul's affairs? Yea there is a little 'it's my turn now'. When the CIA briefed me on torture these are the images that popped up in my mine.

I'm off to Iraq because it's too hot here."

Hamid Karzai and Hillary Clinton Conversation

President Hamid Karzai of Afghanistan pulled Secretary of State Hillary Clinton aside for a quick private conversation at yesterdays state visit.

Karzai: Hey Hill, I need more money. These civilian deaths in my country caused by U.S. airstrikes are getting my people very upset and I have an election coming up and my expenses....

Hillary: Yeah,yeah,yeah ya want me to play a violin ? Bury the fuckin' dead and tell those rag heads to tape an aspirin to the wounds.

Karzai: I WANT MORE MONEY BITCH. It's going to be an additional $10,000.00 per month.

Hillary: OK, OK . Same deal? Bill's foundation gets 10% of the increase via the Afghan woman you send him each month?

Karzai: No problemo.  And I'll throw in a "no grouse" vow for deaths under 5 per U.S. airstrike.

Hillary: Bill says the Afghan woman is very experienced and novel orally speaking. I want some of that. 

Karzai: I've got a person in mind. She's yours.

Hillary: Fuckin' Americans are so stupid. We should have surrended in Afghanistan years ago but the U.S. citizens love to hate someone. So Bill and I will service the account. Later Hamid.

Swine Flu Scare At AIPAC Convention

The AIPAC (American Israel Public Affairs Committee) convention/political power display is now playing in Washington. Half the members of the U.S. Congress (this is true) is in attendance along with the Jewish delegates. But last nights events were more than the AIPAC delegates planned for.

A Hamas waiter spiked the Kool-Aid with a culture of swine flu. The Kool Aid appeared on the dinner menu as a "Free, confiscated Palestinian Childrens Treat" . It proved to be irresistable to the delegates. But the swine flu had no effect on the AIPAC members! What's that tell you about AIPAC and its members? The Hamas waiter fled in disbelief vowing to use only hygenically prepared Kool Aid next time as the logical alternative for use against aliens.

The entertainment included a Dreamworks skit. A satellite feed from Ariel Sharon's hospital room was seamlesssly added to computer- animated characters of Jack Warner of Warner Bros. escorting Marilyn Monroe to Sharon's bedside who is still on life support (this is true)from his seizure more than 3 years ago. Since he was the PM of Israel at the time , he continues to collect a salary which delights his eager family.

Another Dreamworks skit involved a simulated piano wire hanging of Bernie Madoff. The delegates actually responded more favorably to the Madoff fantasy. The Madoff presentation was followed by a business infomercial describing the advantages of giving money to Israel and buying land through the Israel/Palestine Land Development Company. It's all tax deductable. Israel is a tax haven. The IRS code provides that a U.S. citizen who also has a dual Israeli citizenship can satisfy his or hers tax obligations to the U.S. by paying the same amount to Israel (this is true). I wonder if Bernie Madoff knew this?

What great fun was had by all. And it will continue until everyone gets fed up with AIPAC and deports or jails treasonous individuals.